Reframing Anxiety: How to Work With Your Nervous System, Not Against It

What if anxiety wasn’t a problem to fix, but a message to listen to? 

What if your body wasn’t working against you but trying to keep you safe, the only way it knows how?

At Wildflower, we’re all about rewriting the old narratives around mental health. And when it comes to anxiety, one of the most powerful shifts we can make is this:

👉 Anxiety is not a flaw.

👉 It’s a nervous system response rooted in protection.

👉 You are not broken—you’re adaptive.

Trying to “get rid of” anxiety without understanding its purpose is like yelling at a smoke alarm for doing its job. Instead of asking how do I make this stop?, a more helpful question might be: What is my body trying to tell me?

Instead, what if we got curious? What if we worked with our bodies, not against them?

That’s where polyvagal theory comes in. A science-backed framework that helps us understand how the nervous system works, why we feel the way we do, and how to gently support ourselves back into balance.

Understanding Your Nervous System (The Polyvagal Way)

Our nervous system isn’t just about “calm or stressed” it’s a complex, constantly shifting conversation between different branches of the autonomic nervous system, each designed to help us survive and connect.

It’s widely accepted that two main divisions of this system are always active to some degree: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic systems (Bridges & Porges, 2015; Tindle & Tadi, 2022).

The parasympathetic system is often referred to as our “rest and digest” mode. When it’s dominant, we feel grounded. Our heart rate slows, our breathing is steady, and our digestion functions smoothly. It’s where we feel safe, connected, and regulated.

The sympathetic system, in contrast, kicks in during perceived threat or stress. It’s responsible for our “fight or flight” response. Our heart rate spikes, adrenaline surges, digestion slows, and our body prepares to defend or escape. In this state, our brain shifts focus from connection to protection.

According to polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, these systems don’t just operate in isolation, they’re in constant conversation. Ideally, they work in fluid balance, shifting based on context. This healthy back-and-forth is what allows us to meet life’s demands without getting stuck in survival mode.

But when the balance is disrupted, when our system is overloaded by chronic stress, trauma, or sensory overwhelm, we can get “stuck” in sympathetic activation (anxiety, agitation) or drop into a state of shutdown and withdrawal. This is where understanding your nervous system becomes key not as something to control, but something to listen to and support.

Think of your nervous system like a ladder. You move up and down throughout the day, depending on how safe or supported your body feels. This isn’t something you choose consciously, it’s automatic. It’s shaped by past experiences, current stressors, and what your body has learned to expect from the world.

At the top of the ladder, you’re in a ventral vagal state. You feel calm, connected, regulated. Life feels manageable. This is considered ‘safe and social’.

 In the middle, you’re in sympathetic activation—that fight-or-flight energy. You might feel wired, anxious, angry, or like you just can’t slow down. This is considered ‘fight or flight’.

 At the bottom is the dorsal vagal state. This is shutdown. You might feel numb, withdrawn, disconnected, or depressed. Your body is conserving energy to protect you. This is considered ‘shutdown/freeze’.

Your nervous system moves up and down this ladder throughout the day, depending on what it senses. The shifts aren’t conscious, they’re automatic. And they’re based on what your body learns is safe (or not) over time. Polyvagal theory suggests that a resilient nervous system can shift between different states (the vagus nerve plays a key role in this) rather than getting stuck in one state. Essentially, it’s not about being calm all of the time. That’s unrealistic. But rather, having a flexible and resilient nervous system that adapts. 

Chronic anxiety often means your system is stuck in the middle rung - hyper alert, always braced for something to go wrong, even when you don’t know why. It’s your body saying, “I don’t feel safe yet.”

So, How Do We Build Safety in the Body? 

The vagus nerve runs through key parts of your body including your belly, diaphragm, lungs, throat, inner ear, and facial muscles. What’s fascinating is that around 80% of vagus nerve fibers send messages from your body back up to your brain.  So when you move, breathe, or gently engage these areas, you’re actively sending signals of safety back to your brain. 

These are some gentle nervous system practices that signal safety in the body:

Slow Down Micro-Moments	Brush your teeth slowly. Walk without rushing. Eat without multitasking. Slowness signals safety. It tells your body, “There’s no threat here. You don’t have to rush.” Even one mindful moment is a ventral vagal (top of the ladder) win.
Humming/Singing/Voo breathing	Humming and singing vibrates the vocal cords and throat area, stimulating the vagus nerve directly. You don’t need to be a good singer, your nervous system doesn’t care about pitch!  Also, try ‘voo’ breathing, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, where you Inhale deeply and on the exhale, make a deep “vooooooo” sound. Feel it vibrate through your chest. Repeat 3–5 times. This creates low-frequency vibrations that calm the vagus nerve.
Breathe long and slow	One of the most accessible ways to support your nervous system and therefore reduce anxiety is right under your nose - your breath! When you inhale, your heart rate naturally speeds up a little. When you exhale, it slows down. So by making your exhale longer than your inhale - say, breathing in for 4 seconds and out for 6 to 8, you’re tapping directly into your parasympathetic nervous system. This type of breathing stimulates nerve fibers in the lungs that calms the nervous system.
Eye Movements	Eye movements can increase blood flow and stimulate the vagus nerve as it passes through the upper neck. While walking outside or sitting near a window, gently let your eyes wander. Notice the way the light moves through the trees, the shape of a building, or the colors in the sky. Let your gaze soften and take in the wider picture. You can also try bilateral eye movements, slowly moving your eyes from left to right, like watching a pendulum or following your fingers across your visual field. This gentle tracking movement can help calm the nervous system. It's one of the reasons why nature walks, car rides, or even watching waves can feel soothing—they create rhythmic, calming movement for your eyes.

PSA: Ditch the Ice Bath

While they can be supportive for some, they’re not the best choice if you’re already stuck in fight or flight and your nervous system is on high alert. Your heart rate is elevated, your body is braced, and you might feel wired, anxious, restless - or even totally overwhelmed.

Introducing an intense cold stimulus (like an ice bath) adds another layer of stress. Instead of building resilience, it can tip you further into dysregulation. Even though they can help train the nervous system over time, if your system doesn’t have enough capacity or safety to start with, that kind of intensity triggers a survival response that can reinforce that your body isn’t safe.

And remember:

Anxiety doesn’t make you broken. The goal isn’t to never feel anxious again. It’s to work with your nervous system. You don’t need a life overhaul to begin. Just one tiny step. One moment of slowness.

Want support to get started?

 🌼 Download our Nervous System Reset Checklist

Nervous System Reset Checklist.pdf

Download PDF • 71KB

 🌼 Reach out to the Wildflower team to connect with someone who can walk this path alongside you.

You don’t have to do this alone—and you don’t have to fight your body. Let’s work with it, gently.