The Silent Mental Load Men Carry (But Rarely Talk About)

“Man up.”

“Don’t cry.”

“Be strong.”

Most men have heard these words, directly or indirectly  - their whole lives. They’ve been taught that to be strong is to be silent. That real men don't talk about their emotions. That asking for help makes you weak. 

Do we really know what the mental load looks like for men? 

It’s easy to overlook it, because many don’t talk about it. But just like women, men carry stress, fear, shame, pressure. The weight only gets heavier, as they suppress rather than express. 

The mental load might look like:

• Feeling the pressure to be the provider

• Hiding financial stress or burnout

• Navigating big feelings without the words to express them

• Experiencing isolation, especially as friendships fade with age

• Holding shame around asking for help

• Not knowing who they are or what their purpose is in life 

• Battling a loss of identity during job transitions, fatherhood, or health issues

We’re Still Up Against Stigma:

Even today, men are far less likely to access mental health support. This is especially true for men in trades, traditional workplaces, or cultures where there is little to no space for conversations around mental health. 

Instead of saying “I’m not okay,” many men simply withdraw. They get quieter. Irritable. Distant.And too often, by the time anyone notices, it’s already a crisis point. 

In Australia, three out of four suicides are men.That is not a coincidence. It’s the outcome of silence, stigma, and disconnection.

Yes, we want to break down stigma - and we are. But that does take time. 

We want therapy to be accessible and normalised for men. But right now, the reality is: many men still won’t access therapy. 

So how can we meet men where they are? There are things we can do outside of the therapy room that we know make a difference: 

Social Connection — Because Isolation is a Silent Risk Factor

Men need mates and they need connection. But many of their social circles shrink as they get older. Friends get busy. Priorities shift. And without even realising it, many men become emotionally isolated -  even if they’re surrounded by people.

But connection isn’t a ‘nice to have’ — it’s a mental health protective factor.Strong social ties reduce the risk of depression and suicide. We are wired to connect. And men, in particular, need spaces where they can just show up, be themselves, and feel understood.

Encourage regular catchups — even a monthly walk or coffee

Support the men in your life to check in with their mates (even a quick text can matter)

Help break the stereotype that emotional support is “women’s business” - men need it too

“Mateship keeps men healthy.” That’s not just a saying. It’s neuroscience.

Movement — Because Some Emotions Need a Physical Outlet

When men aren’t taught how to process or talk about their feelings, those feelings don’t just disappear, they get stored in the body. And without an outlet, they show up as anger, stress, numbness, or shutdown.

That’s why movement matters.

Physical activity is a powerful way to gain clarity. It boosts mood, reduces anxiety, improves sleep, and helps regulate stress. It also gives men a way to process emotion without needing to talk about it — which is critical when language feels hard. Often it’s not about fitness, it's about mental clarity. Just 150 minutes a week of activity is linked to significantly lower depression symptoms. And when men who are already physically active swap their moderate activity for vigorous activity - to get a real sweat on - the mental health benefits are even stronger.

Just 150 minutes a week of movement can significantly lower symptoms of depression

Vigorous activity (working up a real sweat) is even more protective

Exercise doesn’t have to be gym-based — walking, hiking, cycling, sport, yard work — it all counts

Sleep — Because You Can’t Think Clearly When You’re Running on Empty

It’s not weak to need sleep -  it’s literally how your brain detoxes and resets. Sleep is medicine for the nervous system, and it's often the first thing to go when stress builds. 

But many men are conditioned to push through tiredness — to see rest as lazy, or to treat sleep as something they’ll “catch up on” later. In reality, sleep debt shows up fast: poor mood, irritability, low motivation, increased anxiety, and poor concentration. Better sleep = better performance, better workouts, better decision making - especially important for men in high risk or hands on jobs.

Frame sleep as performance-enhancing -  for mood, focus, relationships, work, and decision-making

Encourage routines that support deep rest: reduce alcohol, create a wind-down routine, limit screens

Help the men in your life understand that rest is strength, not weakness

You wouldn’t run a machine without maintenance. Your brain and body are no different.

Emotional Expression — Because Feelings Don’t Make You Weak

Unexpressed emotions don’t go away -  they turn inward (as depression, numbness, shame) or outward (as anger, withdrawal, or overwork). Men aren’t broken. They just haven’t been given the tools,  or permission,  to be human.

Support the men in your life to build emotional vocabulary - even just learning to say “I feel off” or “I’m stressed” is a start

Normalise emotional expression -  let them see that crying, venting, and vulnerability are part of being human, not signs of failure

Give men permission to feel without fixing - often what they need most is to be heard, not told what to do

These four pillars - connection, movement, sleep, and simple emotional expression - are powerful for supporting the body and regulating the brain - especially for the men in our lives who feel the stigma around ‘talking’ and don’t yet know how to express what’s really going on. 

To the women reading this - we see you too. You’re often the one holding emotional space. Trying to support, encourage, understand, even when it may be challenging to do so. Keep showing up with compassion. Invite connection and be open to listening. 

And to the men reading this -  if no one’s told you lately:

You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to ask for support.

That doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you more human. 

You were never meant to carry it all alone.

Help is available and if you are in crisis please reach out to lifeline on 13 11 14

We have a new online masterclass series called Nurture YOU and it may provide you with some guidance and strategies.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT NURTURE YOU